I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
