So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
