The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize