i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
