She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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