I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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