what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
