He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
