when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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