talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
