I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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