She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
