DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
