So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How does one acquire holy water?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize