girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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