dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
