You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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