I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
