it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
