bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
