A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
