I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
