Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
