I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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