I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
