Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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