Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
