I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize