Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
