Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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