you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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