So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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