dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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