My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
