jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
