Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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