Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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