This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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