we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
