my vag is so smooth its legendary
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
