No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Who died my cat blue again?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
