Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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