That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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