You're my little dorito
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
