I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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