just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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