the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
