Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
