I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
