It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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