Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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