He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
