It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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