You smell like stripper and shame
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
