The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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