I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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