I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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