what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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