she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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