the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just had sex on a roof
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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