i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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