I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
