i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
