I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
