I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
