Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
