mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im part way to drunk.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
