Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
