you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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