I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize