So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
