ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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