They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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