Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
