Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
