this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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