There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
