I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
