Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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