there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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