take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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