I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There are leaves in my underwear?
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