TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She's the barista slut.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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