that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize