I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
